Mary Panza

“Dying when you are not really sick is really sick. Really!”
– Charles Dumar from the movie “Better off Dead”

On Wed, May 23rd at 5:01pm I turned 44. No big deal. I’m happy getting older. I don’t have to make excuses for my crazy. I don’t have to consider the feelings of others. I can just be myself. I spent the better part of my birthday week going out. On Friday of that week, I met with two of my best mommy friends for dinner and drinks. At least I had dinner and drinks. They are had salad. I give you this detail because it pertains to the conversation that followed. The dreaded bucket list.

A bucket list is a list of people, places and things you want to do before you “kick the bucket.” My one friend wanted to go on safari. Really? You ordered a salad for dinner. Safari seems not only a reach but a bad idea. I got pasta for dinner, drinks and dessert. I ate all of it. I’m not going on any damn safari. Then my other friend wanted to do the old “jump out of a plane”. Pass. Bucket lists are stupid. Beyond stupid. Did you see that elderly lady that got caught up in her parachute? That was on her bucket list. It almost killed her.

I know it sounds cranky. I realized that 44 may very well be the middle of my life. I plan on finding out by avoiding wild animals and careless stunts. Not to say that I will not live up to my potential. I totally will. I just don’t need cheap thrills. I wake up in the morning, BOOM, I’m alive. I guarantee that I get the same thrill drinking my first cup of coffee in the morning as that crazy old lady did jumping from that plane. Why? Chances are I won’t plummet to my death pouring the creamer and I don’t need a parachute.

My life is full. I have my shows being DVR’d. I enjoy my sweatpants. I eat without regret. I have by daily 7:30am phone call with my best friend to recap my DVR’d shows. I have goals. I always said I want to outlive my enemies. Now I just don’t give a shit. I have things I want to do. Just not in list form. I don’t need to face death to feel alive. Death will happen soon enough. I don’t need to invite it out for a night on the town. I’m here baby and I plan on staying.