Last week we released the brand new, five track, album featuring the Team Nitty Gritty members titled”Ten Point Zero” for just $5.00.

Well, we just sweetened the deal by putting the finishing touches on a chapbook featuring the slam team. “Are You Like Writing Lyrics?” is collection of some of the best poetry from the Nitty Gritty Slam team (Kevin PetersonD. ColinElizagAlorhythm, and ILLiptical). For $10.00 you can get both “Ten Point Zero” and this chapbook.

This is a great opportunity to support the team as they travel down to Charlotte to represent Albany at the National Poetry Slam for the first time ever.

Here’s a sample of what to expect in the book:

Alternate Side Street Parking (The $400 Poem)
by Kevin Peterson

I arrive at my car exhausted, slightly nauseous, with bleary, bloodshot, tired eyes
The sun is a but a sliver just barely batting it’s morning lashes over the horizon
I put the keys in the ignition
start it up, do a U turn, drive fifteen feet, park the car and pass out within ten minutes
THIS IS WHAT ALTERNATE SIDE STREET PARKING DOES TO PEOPLE!
An army of mute zombies, half dressed in pajamas and overcoats,
stepping out into a frigid morning haze because beyond not paying the $55 dollar fine,
we don’t want to give the bitch who waits at the beginning of the block
at 6:59 every morning the satisfaction of punching us in to her little hand held computer.

Honestly, the amount of gratification this wench of a woman gets
from ruining the mornings of complete strangers is inhuman.
Who wakes up one day and thinks to themselves,
“What is the smallest amount of power that can go to your head
While my job requires me to wear a fluorescent vest and a silly cap?”
And I know what you’re thinking, that could also describe one of those construction flaggers
who flip the signs that say “Stop” and “Slow” on opposite sides,
but you know the difference between them and the people who dole out parking tickets?
The construction workers have souls!
They are saving peoples’ lives by preventing head on collisions.
The number of which, incidentally, could also be reduced by safely parking your car
and not having to move it at an ungodly hour whilst hung over.

The law doesn’t even make sense.
I don’t want to hear the argument that it’s for garbage collection or snow removal.
Garbage is one day a week and I don’t know about you,
but I’ve never seen a snowplow in August.
There is no reason for these stupid fucking signs to apply 365 days of the year.
I’m no conspiracy theorist, but the only reason I see to have alternate side parking
is so they can ticket the poor bastards that don’t get up in time to move,
they then presumably use that money to fund research
like focus groups consisting of the most bitter humans they can find
to help come up with newer rules and regulations
that will further piss off the average citizen,
what’s worse is they use this money to pay the people that enforce these unnecessary rules.
And It is this most viscous of cycles that begs the question:
Why do we have a profession that requires
little education, no tact, and zero ability to interact
with fellow human beings on an empathetic level.
Who wakes up one day and thinks to themselves,
“what’s a job I could get that will piss people off simply by my showing up in the morning?”

Really, how many times have you heard someone say,
“You know, that parking enforcement agent may have just ticketed me,
but he was a real nice guy about it.”
NEVER, no one ever says that, because the kind hearted parking enforcement agent,
like the Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot, and the platypus is a myth.

Ladies and Gentleman, this is no rant
because I have been mildly inconvenienced one too many times, this is a call to arms!
The next time you see one of these cold heartless bastards printing out a parking ticket,
even if it’s not your car, you walk up to them and with all the strength you can muster
you hug them and you tell them everything is going to be okay
because I promise you, they were not loved enough as a child.

 

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