I haven’t written anything in a few weeks. I am becoming one of those people. I am talking about the people who don’t have anything to say, so they say nothing. I have had nothing to say, that is, until last Friday. To say that I can’t hold my liquor is an understatement. With that said, here is was what happened:
I am 45. I am in a delightful time in my hormonal life where I am menstrual and peri-menopausal all at once. It is not an excuse for my behavior. It is the reason I act like the crazy had taken over. My sister was good enough to take my girl overnight on a Friday. I almost never get Friday’s to go out so it was a big treat for me. Me, 3b and his roommate decided to go and see a few friends play out. One friend was playing downtown at the bar The Capital. We had never been there before so why not. I was on day two of my monthly visit and had the crazy in my eyes all day. I had a giant latte, no lunch and I needed a drink. 3b picks me up and without thinking I start talking dirty. He gently says, “Look in the back.” There was the poor roommate. Red faced and probably terrified. Here we go. I try to save face by bullshitting and saying that I knew he was there the whole time. 3b looks at me. He sizes up the situation and asks me if I have eaten today. Yeah, I tell him. At breakfast, I say to myself. We get to bar and I buy the drinks. I was going to get a vodka gimlet. It is one of my favorite cocktails. (That and a pomegranate martini at New World Bistro Bar made by Sara Jean on a Sunday afternoon.) Then I see a wine I like. In hindsight, I would have sipped the gimlet. I usually stay away from drinking wine out because, to me, a serving size is a bottle. I drink three glasses of wine, fast. I know what is coming and I excuse myself and proceed to the ladies room. 3b is smart. He gets a Stoli martini and takes his time like a gentleman. I have become the bugged eyed Ramona from the Housewives on New York. What happened in between is somewhat of a mystery. I can remember vomiting lots and thinking to myself how clean and cold the ladies room floor is in this place. The acustoics were pretty good from the ladies room floor as well. 3b comes in and gets me.
3b: Time to go
Me: Save yourself.
Me: I think I was ruffied.
3b: (Deep, hysterical laughter) Yeah. Sure you were. Come on Bulkowski.
I was subjected to a tremendous amount of ball busting during the ride home. Did I mention this all happened before 8pm? Well, it did.
I came to conciseness around 11:30. My head was in my garbage can, I was fully dressed and the dog looked confused. I was sure that 3b had left. I climb upstairs and there he is sound asleep. He had not left me. The next morning as we wake up I ask him if he is going to leave.
3b: Idiot. How can I leave? You, Honey, have given me comedy gold
I managed to give up drinking for a few days. I am definitely off the wine…for now.