Kevin Peterson has really let himself go. He’s currently in last place in two fantasy football leagues; he’s in third in another one though, and he feels pretty good about that. He’s not a big hockey fan, but if he had to pick a team, he wouldn’t. He writes poems sometimes and has numerous other bad habits. He’s got a good heart and an appendix he doesn’t use. You’re welcome to either.

 

It Only Takes One Time

It was a regular Wednesday.
Teacher yelled at Jeff for bringing a bobcat to show and tell.
Jeff didn’t appreciate getting yelled at, so he let the bobcat off its leash.
It bit teacher in the neck and Janet screamed as the blood spurted in an impressive stream.

We aren’t allowed to bring animals in for show and tell anymore.

 

Out of Habit

I’ve gotten into the habit of winking
when accidentally making eye contact with someone-
while driving,
running,
out to dinner,
getting frisked by TSA,
at the bank.

Reactions to a simple, harmless gesture
can really tell you a lot about a person.

 

An Honest Email Exchange

Dear Bourbon,

Please don’t take this the wrong way,
but my mom says we’re not allowed to hang out together anymore.
She says you’re a bad influence on me
and she doesn’t like the decisions I make
when we spend extended periods of time together.

Maybe in time we can be friends again,
both of us probably have some growing up to do,
but it feels like we might just be aging differently.
I enjoyed hanging out with you so much,
but we just need some time apart.

Sincerely,
kp
________________________________

Dear KP,

Don’t listen to your mother.
When has she ever had your best interests at heart?
Just think of all the fun we’ve had together!
All the wacky adventures we go on!

Remember when we tried to steal heavy machinery?
Bummer the keys weren’t in there,
but it was kinda crazy that someone would even leave
a front-end loader and a bulldozer
completely unlocked like that in the first place, right?

Ha! listen to me,
getting all nostalgic here.
Let’s not dwell on the past
Let’s look to the future…
What are you up to this evening?
Let’s hang out!
Hit me back whenever you get a chance,
you know how to get a hold of me.

Best,
Bourbon