Okay. It is a cluster fuck out there. It is not just out there but the state of our country has divided families as well. I mean this both literally and figuratively. I have been trying to make sense of it all and I find I haven’t had time to even think about it. I have a politically insane boyfriend, a worried child, a house to run, and a job that is now not physically demanding but now emotionally draining. I will explain that in a minute. I have not had a thought to myself until now. So let me tell you, for as little as it is worth, what has been in my head.
I am overwhelmed. Things are happening fast and it is hard to keep up. I was raised never to talk about God (as I see Him), money (tacky) or politics (as you will NEVER change anyone else’s mind). I like to stick to that rule. I find I am having a hard time of it now. I am a liberal. There, I said it. That’s all you are going to get out of me as far as that goes and I am well within my rights as an American to NOT want to say anything else. I don’t have to tell you who I voted for only that I voted. I don’t have to tell you that either. You see, as far as having a big mouth about some things, I am insanely private about others. I will say this as overwhelmed as me, and let’s face it everyone is these days, there are going to be some guidelines I am instituting now.
- I will only support the positive. What does that mean? I forget the exact quote or who said it but it was along the lines that they wouldn’t support any Anti. Like anti-war but would support a peace rally. It was all in the way it was worded. I go (when I can) to support peace. I will go (when I can) to support reproductive rights. I will go (when I can) to support immigration. When I can, I will. Which brings me to my next point, I am not going to insult any ones physical appearance. It has been done and it makes no better than what we are fighting against. I will stick to the topics at hand because we don’t have that luxury. Too much is at stake here and that kind of unclever, stating the obvious, slut shaming is still wrong. It is wrong for both sides. Remember how outraged you were when you first heard those hidden tapes about pussy grabbing? Remember when he insulted women’s physical appearances? It is no better, albeit tempting, when we do it. You want to do it. Go right the fuck ahead. I won’t.
- I will go when I can. I have a job that requires me to work weekends. I have a child in a sport and she also needs to eat has do her homework. She comes first. Which brings me to this, a client pissed me off by implying that I am not really what I stand for because I am not out there with my daughter. First of all, you cross a fucking dangerous line when you throw my girl in the mix. Her job is to be a child. My job is to keep her safe. It is not to make her a regurgitate my beliefs. I am here to show her one way of doing things. She will use her common sense and free will to decide for herself. She is welcome to explore her own beliefs. Her dad and I have offered to take her to peace and reproductive rights rallies. She has told us she is not ready. She supports our way but (she has said to both of us) that she wants to focus on just being a kid. Period. End of discussion.
- I read that shit book The Secret a few years ago. I hated most of what was in it because as I kept telling the universe, I AM ready to be a millionaire! I AM ready to be 135lbs and super hot! The universe mocked me, hard. I will tell you one tenant of that book that I always remembered because it came at a time where I was new at Facebook and really obsessed with it. It was to be informed but not inundated with information. This brings me to another client I saw last week. I am a New York State Licensed massage therapist. I don’t do happy endings or spankings. She came in and as I was asking her the usual question “Has anything changed since I last saw you?” She went into a political tirade. After three minutes with this woman, I told her I would leave the room and come back when she was ready for her massage. In those three minutes of listening to her, I felt like I got hit by a truck. The thing is I did agree with her about what she was saying but her anger was palpable. I spent years in therapy to stop being angry with the events of my childhood. I didn’t come this far to back to that constant state of hatred and anger. I won’t do it. I had to try one of those stupid centering exercise that they tried to teach us in massage school. I would always fall asleep. I am bad at visualization. I just took a deep breath and when in and endured that entire hour of her going on and on about how hopeless everything is. I finally told her that she needs to turn the TV off and go for a walk outside. You know that things are bad if I am telling someone to turn off a TV and get out of the house. That, right there is what this world now is. If you find yourself in this situation, please take care of yourself and your sanity. I promise things will be just as fucked up as when you turn the TV back on but at least you will get a little vitamin d and be nicer to be around.
Please don’t take my plan as a callous way of being. I care deeply about this country. I care that what all of our ancestors fought for to get here and all the dreams they had were for nothing. It worries me every day. I will fight and I will fight hard. I promise.